Election postscript

Okay, let’s start with the really good news.

All the Corbyn haters in the media and (especially) the back stabbing Labour Party must eat humble pie today and forever after shut the fuck up.

Jeremy Corbyn won more seats for the Labour Party than either Brown in 2010 or Miliband in 2015 and he did it by being a Labour leader. (Regular readers may remember that in the aftermath of Labour’s catastrophic 2015 campaign, I pointed out to the party that it needed a real person as its leader, someone with whom voters could imagine having a pint. I even offered myself for the job. Of course after Corbyn threw his hat in the ring, I withdrew the offer which was then clearly redundant. I knew from his record and from meeting him myself on a number of occasions that Jezzer was the real deal.)

Corbyn achieved what had been the seemingly impossible: he inspired millions of young people to go to the polls. And it wasn’t just the offer of free university tuition. Young people, as they should be, are still furious about middle England ripping them out of Europe. Thank you, ignored-by-Tories generation for the role you played in Labour’s wins last night.

It’s clear some areas of the country got my memo.

Thank you, northern England, for remembering why and how much you hate the Tories.

Thank you, Wales, for getting rid of some (though not all) of those misplaced Tory MPs.

Thank you, London, for doing what you always do.

As I write this, the votes are being recounted in Kensington, where there is a distinct possibility the borough has elected its first Labour MP ever. (And then, while it’s not in London, there’s Canterbury, a seat that’s been held by the Tories for 176 years and has also never been won by Labour – until last night.)

Unfortunately not everyone got the memo.

Northern Ireland, what was it you didn’t understand about “vote SDLP”? Electing seven Sinn Fein MPs (who will never take their seats) was not helpful. Even less helpful was electing ten DUP MPs (more on this anon). As for your “independent” MP Lady Sylvia Hermon, let’s take a wild guess what side she will be on in hung Parliament?

Scotland, what the fuck? You definitely did not keep the heid. You didn’t want another independence referendum? (Even though this was your stay-in-Europe ace up your sleeve?) Fair enough. But electing thirteen fucking Tories? Why not thirteen LibDems, who vowed to pull out of Brexit? What the hell were you thinking?

So, where are we now? Theresa May, thanks to those thirteen Scottish MPs and the ten DUP MPs will be able to limp along as Prime Minister. That’s the very bad news.

The well-I-guess-it-could-be-worse news is that May has absolutely no mandate to go for a fuck you hard Brexit deal, which was the whole point of her election gambit. The DUP definitely does not want closed borders. Scottish Tory leader Ruth Davidson (whom, I must confess, is the only Tory I’ve ever seen who doesn’t make my teeth gnash) has already advised May that Scotland wants Brexit lite.

Good news? Hardly. But it really could have been much worse.