Gulp

Okay, folks, today’s the day. The dentist appointment that I failed to make last year when the abscess first flared up. (As I said, I did leave a phone message at the time. Not my fault no one called back, right?)

Breathe. This isn’t the crusty old male dentist I didn’t like and last saw a few years ago. This, my book club members assure me, is a lovely female dentist. All right. I’ve had lovely female dentists in the past. It will be okay. No reason for dentophobia to bring me out in hives. (Thankfully it hasn’t.) It’ll be fine.

Except it won’t be fine. I may survive the whole “open wide” thing relatively unscathed, but no dentist, however lovely, is going to tell me anything different. My right front tooth has got to go. Yes, that’s right, in case I failed to mention it before: it’s my right front tooth that’s the problem. If it was one at the back, I’d just say “Pull it out” and have done with it, even though dentists don’t like doing that. But not one of my front teeth.

So then the question, as I believe I have already stated, is whether enough of the tooth can be salvaged for a $1500+ crown or whether I will need a god-knows-how-much implant. (I am not going to settle for having to take my front tooth out and put it in a glass of water beside the bed every night.)

Last week I met a couple of friends for dinner at the pub. Told them my dental tale of woe. Turns out several years ago Paul got an implant for the very same right front tooth. It cost him around $3000 and he had a dental plan at the time, so at least some of the cost was covered. Several years ago and a dental plan. By my rough estimate is an implant setting me back at least $5000. (How the fuck do dentists get away with these charges?)

That’s a lot less than the house cost, but more than I paid for the car I will be using to drive to the appointment. (Funny story attached to the purchase of said car, in case you missed it at the time.) This will be the most money I’ve ever spent on any one thing that isn’t a home. For one tooth. Fuck me.

Oh, well, wish me luck.