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Happy Easter

April 12, 2020

The bread’s just gone into the oven. Yes! There was actually some flour to be had when I got to the shop yesterday. Not my favourite kind of flour. That can only be found in Nanaimo, so heaven only knows when that will ever be replenished, but flour nonetheless and bread baking in the oven. One less thing to make me furious.

Pandemic bakers are yesterday’s news. Today’s news (or, more accurately, this weekend’s news) are the brain dead hordes who decided to pile on to ferries and descend on the gulf islands this weekend – to be met with glares from the locals. What the fuck is wrong with you people? I know it’s way nicer here than in Vancouver or wherever the hell you’ve come from, but you’re supposed to stay home. That’s your main home, numb nuts, the place where you’ve hopefully been holed up for the past month, not your second home. You’re supposed to be staying the fuck away from that. Tossers.

The three provincial parks on the island were closed to visitors this week, which include two of my favourite places on the island. I’d like to think it’s just until the stupid tourists and second home people have fucked off, but I suspect it’s for the foreseeable.

weird arbutus 4

God knows when I’ll get to see these guys again.

Okay, I confess, I did go out for another sneaky, safely-distanced walk with another friend yesterday. A trail I never previously knew existed. I suppose if there’s one good thing to say about this pandemic it’s that I am being introduced to new walks by dog owners. Lovely in and of itself and also handy when and if I ever have a dog of my own.

Actually, there’s another rather good thing to say. Apparently a large swathe of Tangerine Wankmaggot supporters intend to pack themselves into their churches like sardines today. Natural selection at its best – if only there was some way to guarantee they couldn’t infect sane people. Seeing these God botherers interviewed on the news reminds me of that old joke.

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

To them and this weekend’s travelling hordes I wish a very

happy easter

 

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