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Oh, dear

September 14, 2019

It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and I’ve only just got out of bed. I suppose it could be worse. It could be one o’clock in the afternoon and I’d never been to bed. That was certainly the case until eight o’clock this morning when I willed myself to get under the covers.

Yes, for the first time in quite a while I stayed up all night last night, for no good reason. I was binge watching The Windsors on Netflix. (Told you there was no good reason.) This is self-defeating behaviour, worrying because it is a symptom. It’s something I do when I’m depressed.

Yep, there’s that word.

If you’ve been around since the beginning, you’ll know I started this blog on my website largely to help me tackle my depression. I haven’t written about it for a while because, well, because happily it hasn’t needed to be tackled.

I weaned myself off the anti-depressants back in the spring. Easily done, as I said to my doctor at the time, when you start your day by taking your coffee out to the deck and watch birds at the feeders. Hummingbirds in particular are a cheering sight.

Have I been happy and upbeat and optimistic over the summer since I stopped taking the meds? No, I have not. But nor have I been miserable and pessimistic, so it’s pretty much break even.

It started raining five days ago. Very welcome at first, as we hadn’t had any rain for several weeks. Although it hasn’t rained non-stop since then, there has been rain every day and there’s been precious little sun. I’m not a mug. I know these two things are connected. The days shorten, the sun disappears and I find myself sitting on the sofa all night watching something daft on Netflix. Mid-September is a bit early. I need to be on my guard. I really don’t want to get so SAD that I’m back on meds.

I need to pay attention to this warning.

Fifteen minutes up.

Hasta mañana.

From → Black dog diary

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