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The annual invasion

April 29, 2023

It’s been happening every year for a while now. Usually starts in late March. Bugs. Flying bugs. First a few appear, then dozens, then a full scale invasion. I’m pretty tolerant about other animals, but not these bastards. I see one, I knock it on to the floor and I crunch it under my shoe. Before the invasion ends, I’m sitting on the sofa watching television at night wearing a hoodie so they don’t end up going down the back of my neck. 

An annual annoyance that I’ve just kinda lived with. Last year was the first time anyone else experienced it. 

I’d started getting together with my friend Scott every Saturday for dinner and a movie – one week here, next week at his place. So, for the first time there was someone else sitting on the sofa in a hoodie, like me, suddenly yelping and flicking off bugs. It was Scott who pointed out that they could be termites or carpenter ants. Research suggested the latter. I did look into having a fumigator in, but I just couldn’t afford it. Eventually the invasion always ends.

I thought I’d got off lightly this year. No bugs in March. No bugs in April. Excellent. Well, I guess it was the long cold winter, because I spotted the first one earlier this week. Crunch. Then there were more. Crunch, crunch, crunch. By Thursday they were crawling out of the woodwork and it was a full-scale invasion. Crunch, crunch, crunch ad infinitum. Sweep bodies up off bathroom floor, hoover bodies up off the livingroom carpet. Thursday evening they were landing on me in the shower. EEK! That’s never happened before. 

Why were there so many more in the bathroom? Were they coming up through the drains? What the fuck?

And then yesterday I finally looked up. That’s when I spotted it. A small, never-before-noticed hole in the ceiling drywall. And there they were in a growing mass around it. Fuck. 

Hauled out the stepladder. Got a broom and knocked them all off the ceiling. Crunch, crunch, crunch or down the bathtub drain, quickly plugged. Climbed up the ladder and used some clear duct tape.

Gotcha. And I’m planning at some point to paint the bathroom. Might patch hole first. Might just paint over tape.

Put stepladder away, sweep bug carcasses up off bathroom floor. Have a cup of tea. Go back into bathroom. Look up. Fuck. Now they’re crawling out through a clearly ill-fitted light fixture. Bring stepladder back in, climb up with roll of duct tape and some scissors.

Well, I can’t just paint over that when the time comes.

But that can wait. No new bugs this morning. All I can hope is there is now no air supply up there and they’re all dying. And that they will have run out of air before they can chew a new hole in the drywall. Must keep an eye on the ceiling.

At some point I will have to get someone in to (a) spray carpenter ant poison in through the drywall hole and (b) fix the hole and the light fixture.

For now I’m just relieved not to be stomping bugs. 

And looking forward to spending some time outside. Yes, spring, as promised, has arrived. More like overnight summer. Coffee and breakfast on the deck. Lovely. Temperature predicted to be in the high teens later. Lovely. Rain again tomorrow and Monday, so garden today.

From → Blog

  1. Donna permalink

    Sigh. We’re also experiencing this invasion…again. Just started this week. Not even sure where they’re coming in but ugh, exhausted from stomping on them everywhere.

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