Rat busters

Should it somehow be comforting that it’s not just me? (And my neighbour Pat.) Well, it isn’t.

Before ringing Pat’s exterminator yesterday, I decided to do some checking. Went on the community bulletin board on Facebook and posted this message: “Rats seem to have taken up residence in my crawl space. Who should I call?”

A response almost immediately from a pal, who wrote: “Who ya gonna call!?!? RAT BUSTERS!” To which I replied: “That’s very helpful, Bill. Thanks.” To which he replied: “Was there a sarcasm sign attached to that expression of gratitude?” Which earned him a laughing emoji.

Soon afterwards there were more helpful suggestions with several people recommending the services of Nathan, who works for an exterminator in town and visits the island every Thursday. This was not the name of the bloke Pat had hired, who didn’t merit a mention. I decided to go with the majority and made an appointment for Nathan to come here next week.

A lot of people had their own stories to tell about rat infestations. One woman commented that she’d never lived anywhere on the island that hadn’t required an exterminator. One friend told me about a couple she knew who’d killed 450 rats on their property. Yikes.

Of course there’s always some hippy (I can say that because in my youth I was one) who wants to be nice to the rats and simply discourage them with lavender, eucalyptus, cedarwood and/or peppermint oil.

She provided helpful information about all her suggestions.

Fucking hippies. Aside from the fact that all her suggestions are about dealing with mice, I have zero interest in discouraging rats with aromatherapy. I want them fucking dead. And I want them, with their dying breath, shrieking a message to all their rat mates to STAY AWAY from this house. Well, maybe not shrieking (that could get a bit disturbing), but they definitely need to get the message to get lost.

Anyway, reading all the responses to my post on the community bulletin board yesterday made me realise how lucky I’ve been to have lived here rat free for so many years.

Until this spring, my only interaction with rats on the island was ten years ago in The Pied Piper, the first panto in which I appeared.

Trust me when I say that interaction was a lot more fun than this one.