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Trick questions

September 14, 2020

One of the nice things about sitting on the roof for hours on end, scraping moss and clearing gutters is that, like painting a room, the job allows your mind to wander aimlessly.

I have been struggling for over a week to try to figure out how (if at all) to respond to the brother I seem to have suddenly acquired. You know, the guy with three brothers and a sister, two kids, multiple grandkids and a fifteen-year relationship with “the Love of My Life”. Yes, the superfluous caps guy. The one who desperately wants me as another sibling.

Every time I tried to formulate a follow up to my “too much information” response, everything I wanted to say seemed a bit too brutally honest. Up on the roof yesterday it suddenly occurred to me that I could skip (or at least postpone) the brutal honesty.

Despite the length of his email, all it really told me was the identities of this three-generation, ready-made family he wants to thrust in my direction. It didn’t really tell me anything about him. I mean, who is this guy? What does he do? What does he like? It might be worth knowing some of that.

So yesterday I finally wrote to him, suggesting perhaps we take a step back and play a little game of Twenty Questions.

Well, actually seven questions, which were:

What’s your all-time favourite film?

Who is currently your favourite novelist?

Who was your favourite band when you were twelve years old?

What was the last CD you played?

Who would you invite to your fantasy dinner party? Six people, living or dead.

Who was the best James Bond?

Who was the best Doctor Who?

I even gave him my answers to the first three. (Casablanca, Mick Herron and the Beatles.)

Pretty innocuous questions, right? Oh, ha, ha. Not if you know me. I’ve laid a bloody minefield.

If the answer to the first question is Top Gun, we’ve got a bit of a problem. If the answer to the second question is Tom Clancy, we’ve got a bit of a problem. If the answer to the second question is “I don’t really have a favourite Novelist, because I don’t read Fiction” (couldn’t resist the random caps), we’ve got an extremely large problem. Not sure what the worst answers to the third and fourth questions would be and hope I don’t find out. There are two acceptable answers to the sixth and seventh questions: Sean Connery or Daniel Craig and Tom Baker or David Tennant, respectively.

As for the fantasy dinner party, if the guest list is made up of athletes and/or Tory politicians, we’ve got a deal breaker on our hands, folks.

I hope the answers are interesting. I hope at least one of them makes me smile. I hope I was wrong to formulate a somewhat unfavourable opinion based on Random Use of Capital Letters. I really do.

From → Blog

  1. krysross permalink

    Well, you did avoid the straight-up political views question.

  2. janeshead permalink

    Oooh good questions. But what if he liked Christopher Eccleston, for example? (I loved him.) Plus honestly I LOVE Jodie Whittaker. Does this mean we can’t be friends anymore? But yeah, any Tom Cruise movie and I’d nope on out. Also, though, my older brother doesn’t read fiction (just because he’s a librarian doesn’t mean he reads) but he’s still one of my top favourite people.

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