Time warp

Please don’t ask me what time it is. I have no idea. Well, that’s not quite true. According to the clock on the computer, it is 11:24am. I believe that clock. Unlike other timepieces in the house.

According to my watch it is 11:05am. Okay, fair enough, I’ve known for a while that my watch needs a new battery. (And a new strap, but that’s another story.) Thus, I know I cannot rely on its accuracy. I may set it by the computer, but I have no idea how much time it will lose over the next 24 hours.

According to the kitchen clock, it is 10:47am. According to the bedroom clock it is 12:25pm. Both clocks have had new batteries installed in recent weeks. Both clocks were set to the right time yesterday. One has lost 37 minutes. One has gained one hour an one minute. Since yesterday.

You’d think gaining something would be a good thing, but when you wake up in the morning and the clock on the wall tells you it is an hour later than it really is, that is not a good thing. Especially when then checking your watch gives you nothing but a vague approximation of what the time might actually be. Especially when you know glancing at the kitchen clock when you get up to make coffee will tell you a fib.

And please don’t get me started on the clock radio beside the bed. This particular timepiece is supposed to have some sort of microchip (or something) inside it which accurately pinpoints the chosen time zone. In fairness, it does spring forward or back automatically when the clocks change, but that hardly matters. For some reason (a manufacturing malfunction no doubt), quite often when you set the alarm it adds a few minutes to the time on the clock. Thus, for years now it has been nearly an hour fast. And said microchip (or whatever) makes it impossible to change the time to the correct hour and minute, because the clock thinks it knows better. Irritating, yes, but not the end of the world. If I want to set the alarm I simply do so for eight hours after whatever time the clock thinks it is. It works.

I know there are people who don’t actually care what time it is. I am not one of those people. I did actually go without a watch for a couple of years in my twenties when I was a journalist, but I did not go without a timepiece. I had a clock at home that got me up in the morning and if at any point during the work day I wanted to know what time it was I simply glanced out the window beside my desk and looked across the river to the clock on St. Paul’s cathedral. A very accurate timepiece. I only stopped using St. Paul’s because Mickey Mouse gave me a watch – which I still use – as a Christmas present. (But that’s another story.)

According to the computer, it is now 12:16pm. Time to go water the garden before the sun gets on it. If you happen to be passing while I’m out there, please don’t ask me what time it is.