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Bravo, EU!

April 9, 2019

Well played, my friends.

In case you haven’t heard, The EU has basically just told the UK government to take its festering pile of Brexit poo and fuck off for now. They’re sick of the subject and sick of the sight of Theresa May hurtling around the corridors in Brussels. pleading for “just one more extension”.

So, no, Theresa, you can’t have until June 30.

What you can have, darling, is an extension until the end of December to sort yourself and your wretched government out. In fact, why not take until the end of March 2020? (Background noise of Boris Johnson harumphing and all the other hardliners having apoplexy.)

The EU, it seems, has more important things on which to concentrate at the moment, including the European parliamentary elections in May. In a lovely little joke’s-on-you twist, the UK will now be required to hold elections for MEPs. If it doesn’t hold said elections between May 23 and May 26, it will be unceremoniously kicked out of the European Union with no deal whatsoever. In the immortal words of George Gershwin, it’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s delovely.

Apparently no one in Brussels is buying Jeremy Corbyn’s offer to help find an acceptable departure deal. They rightly suppose his only interest is in forcing a general election.

Oh, Jezzer, Jezzer, Jezzer, you have disappointed me.

Child with sign: 'May I have my future back please?'

Unbeknownst to me when I got so excited about his successful run for the leadership of the Labour Party, Jezzer is as much of a Euro-sceptic as most Tories. He is not the man to call bullshit on this. Which must be a hard pill to swallow for all the young people who crawled out otf the woodwork to vote Labour in the last general election. (They weren’t just interested in a break on their student debt, you know, Jezzer.)

So, several more months of the shit storm which is Brexit. The Irish border question will not magically disappear. It will be no help to the majority of Scots, who want to remain in Europe. The buyer’s remorse of the people who voted Leave in protest and now deeply regret it will not be addressed.

Well, not if people do what people will do: choose betwen Labour or the Tories. I call bullshit.

A third option, although largely ignored at the moment, does exist. Yes: the LibDems.

I know, I know. There’s a very good chance the UK wouldn’t be in this godforsaken mess if Nick Clegg, desperate for any sort of power, hadn’t agreed to prop up the Cameron government from 2010 to 2015. And the LibDems were justifiably throttled by voters in 2015.

But, hey, come on. The LibDems are the only mainstream party to consistently campaign for a second referendum. The only party to clearly imply that leaving the EU is completely bonkers. And, let’s be honest: wouldn’t you far rather have Vince Cable as Prime Minister than Jezzer or whatever bampot the Tories choose as their next leader?

Friends, Britons, countrymen, you know what you have to do.





From → Columns

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