Good news, bad news

Bad(dish) news from the first day of 2019:

• I did play spider solitaire yesterday, but only for half an hour. (That “but” doesn’t really count, as one game is too many.)
• I didn’t turn the lights off until 3am. (Blame Bosch.)
• I did not eat dinner at the table, even though I was determined that I would.

Moving on to good things, I’m going to tackle the last point first.

It was 10pm before I knew it last night (reason for this anon), so obviously I wasn’t going to start making dinner at that hour. Instead I sighed and went out to the kitchen to make a bowl of popcorn. But I didn’t make popcorn. Instead I got the soft avocado out of the fridge, made guacamole and dined on that and organic blue corn chips. By no means a perfect meal, but a lot healthier than a bowl of popcorn.

Other good things…

For as long as we owned the house, Mike and I almost always (except when it was sleeting with rain) went for a walk at our favourite place on the island on New Year’s Day. I have continued this tradition since his death in 2011.

It wasn’t sunny yesterday, but this is one of the views. I don’t just go there on New Year’s Day, but that is the walk that brings me closest to him. That is the day I go on my own and stand on the spot where his ashes were scattered to say hello. This is the spot where I also want my ashes scattered.

A couple of friends were hosting an open house yesterday afternoon. When I first got the invite, I wasn’t sure. Would I be in a sociable mood after Drumbeg? Did I want to be sociable?

Well, of course I did. Making sure you socialise is a top priority in tackling the black dog. Socialising is good. So I went and of course I had a lovely time. Almost all the people there were people I know and of whom I am extremely fond. More to the point (in some ways) was the reminder that there are many people on the island who are equally fond of me. People who would be very distraught if I killed myself. (Don’t worry, I’m not thinking about it today, it’s just something it’s tough to remember when you’re sitting in your chair, alone in your home, reading by candlelight during a power failure.)

Speaking of socialising, I made a point yesterday of rescheduling the power-failure aborted solstice supper for Friday evening. Top people at my dinner table, an evening full of banter and laughter. Heaven. (And someone other than me will see the Christmas tree before I take it down.)

Also on the plus side is the fact that I actually went to the website of the local gym to find out how much they’re charging for memberships these days. Some unexpected money from the UK makes it possible for me to consider going to the gym again for a while. So I’ve been thinking about it. Thinking, mind you. So far checking the website is as close as I’ve got to attempting to reengage with exercise. I mean, let’s face it, going to the gym is fucking boring. If only someone was offering salsa classes on the island. Fifteen years ago, when I was living in Stoke Newington, I did some classes and thoroughly enjoyed them. Back on the treadmill? Sheesh. I don’t know. Maybe.

Whether the following is a good thing or a bad thing remains to be seen. Yesterday I renewed an old subscription to Netflix. I’ve subscribed two or three times in the past and have always had to cancel it to put a stop to all night binging. Am I putting myself at risk? Or can I handle it? Time will tell. Last night I started watching Bodyguard¸ a British series I’d heard was excellent. After two episodes I stopped to make guacamole. At midnight, having watched four of the six episodes, I turned the telly off and went to bed, despite really, really, really wanting to click on episode five. Can I control myself? We’ll see.

Now it’s time to get on with the second day of the year.