Mañana Syndrome

Anyone who’s struggled with depression knows what I call the Mañana syndrome all too well. Or perhaps you call it Scarlett O’Haraitis. Whatever you call it, it is, as the names suggest, all about tomorrow – although tonight comes into it, too.

Tonight I will go to sleep at a reasonable time.

Tomorrow I will get up at the crack of dawn (or, more reasonably, eight or even nine o’clock) and I will get things done.

Tomorrow morning I will start meditating.

Tomorrow I will clean the bathroom/polish the furniture/wash the kitchen floor/hoover/whatever.

Tomorrow I will go for a walk.

Tomorrow I will write something.

Tomorrow I will get some work done outside.

Tomorrow I will cook my dinner and eat it at the table with my book, instead of eating in front of the television.

Tomorrow I will not take my mind off failure by having a drink/popping a pill/playing spider solitaire.

Tomorrow I will do better, be better.

Things start to go wrong today. You sit up too late watching something stupid on television or (much better) reading your book. Dawn cracked a long, long time ago when you wake up at nearly noon. Tomorrow is already a failure. No time to meditate (even if you knew how). No time to go for a walk (even if you still feel motivated). Now you have to decide. Do you (a) write something, (b) do some boring housework or (c) do some less boring work outside? All because you’ve wasted three hours sleeping. And you feel the pull of the Mañana Syndrome, that voice whispering in your ear: try again tomorrow.

Well, fuck you, Mañana Syndrome. Damn you, whispering in my ear about all the things I didn’t get done yesterday. How about you let me focus on the things I did get done?

Yesterday I didn’t get up until nearly noon. Despite that, I did get something written, I did eat my dinner at the table and I did get to sleep at a reasonable time.

Okay, I didn’t get up until 9:30 this morning and I did not try to meditate when I got out of bed, but it’s 10:30 now and I’ve been writing for a while. There is still plenty of time for housework and garden work.

I did not play spider solitaire yesterday and I will not play spider solitaire today.

Up yours, Scarlett O’Hara.