I’ve been mugged

For a while now my wifi has been working intermittently. Last week I finally got annoyed enough to call my cable provider – Shaw, which used to be the main provider in western Canada, but has now merged with (been eaten up by) cable giant Rogers.

Spoke to a woman on the phone who told me the modem was old (think I might have had it for 10 years) and needed to be replaced. Okay, fine. Was she going to book an appointment for someone to come with the new modem? She could, she said, but it would be just as easy to bung it in the post. Fine, I said.

Then she started telling me about some new “entertainment box” that was available for $15 a month and would give me access to a lot more channels. I told her I didn’t want more channels. I barely use 10 of the ones I’ve already got. Pretty much all  the shows I watch are on streaming services. Oh, she says, you can access streaming services with this new box, too. I’m happy with my Roku gizmo, I tell her. I just want a functioning modem.

Parcel arrives and I collect it from the post office. The box seems pretty big for a modem. When I opened it yesterday there were two boxes inside, one containing the modem I wanted, one containing this entertainment box. I don’t open either of the boxes. Instead, yesterday, I ring Shaw/Rogers back. The first thing you hear when you call the number is a recording saying: “Shaw is now part of the Rogers. At this time there is no change to your account.” Listen to more recordings directing me towards the help available on their website and app, before finally being offered the option to speak to a human being. Choose that option and listen to canned music for a while before someone answers.

I tell them all I wanted them to do was provide me with a functioning modem (which they are obliged to do), that I did not ask for and do not want this entertainment box. I’m perfectly happy with my PVR and Roku gizmo. And this is when I find out I’ve been mugged.

Turns out my PVR will soon be made deliberately obsolete by their new, “improved” system upgrade and will not work with the new modem they’ve sent me, which only works with the new entertainment box.

We go round and round in circles for a considerable length of time, with me feeling as if I’ve found myself in some Kafkaesque hell and getting so frustrated that at one point I nearly burst into tears. I keep saying, “I can’t believe you – sorry, I don’t mean you personally, I mean Rogers – can get away with this.” And I can’t. This is what monopolies look like. Forcing people into paying more for something they don’t even want. All I want is a functioning modem, but it turns out the bastards are in the middle of making everything else I have obsolete. Jesus wept. I ask her why I have to pay this rental fee for something I haven’t requested, but have had foisted upon me? I haven’t been paying a rental fee for my PVR. She reminds me that I’ve been using a PVR that I purchased myself (so I could record programs and avoid paying Shaw a monthly rental fee. Okay, I say, even though I don’t want the new, bloody improved service, can I buy one of these entertainment boxes and, if so, how much would it cost? No, I can’t buy one. Bloody hell.

At this point I actually tell her I am about to burst into tears, which is when she offers me a $50 discount on my new, higher, monthly charge.

I give up, say fine. Although it is far from fine. I tell her I suspect she is having a lot of conversations like this. And she admits that “sadly” she is. Not her fault.

Even though I’ve said fine, I don’t really mean it. I’m going to take my friend’s dog for a walk, get some air, look at the sea, regroup and when I get home I am going to go online and seek out an alternative to Shaw. I know they exist and I am going to find them and get Shaw/Rogers the hell out of my life.

Come home. Oh, great, the wifi is once again not working. Reboot the modem. Restart the computer. Nope. Sigh. Call Shaw/Rogers back, listen to the “at this time there is no change to your account” recording again. (Ha! There should be heavy emphasis in on the words “at this time”, because change is coming whether you want it or not.) This time I opt for tech support, tell the bloke who answers that I would like him to please get my modem working again. He consults my account and asks me if I am talking about the new modem he sees has been delivered. No, I tell him, I haven’t installed the new one yet. I just want him to get the old one working for a while. (I may or may not say “because I want to go online and figure out how to get this bastard company out of my life”.) Turns out as soon as I finished my earlier call the new modem was activated, even though I hadn’t plugged it in yet, and the old one no longer worked and could not be made to work again. At this point I think I might have actually screamed, although not on the phone with the tech bloke.

So, I have no way to go online to investigate options for getting rid of this company without installing the modem that will make everything else obsolete. Catch 22 on speed.

Install modem. Check TV. No, it is not working. The functionality of the PVR has been terminated. And everything recording I’d saved on it is now gone forever. Goddamn it. Install the entertainment box, activate it. Discover the Roku gizmo is still functioning.  Well, that’s something – for now, anyway.

The screen for the new box is unfamiliar and bewildering. All the channels have different numbers, which I will have to learn. I want to punch someone in the face.

And it is no help whatsoever (quite the opposite) knowing that I am far from alone. Across the country, millions of Canadians are discovering (if they haven’t already) that they are being mugged by a conglomerate installing a new system that nobody wants so that it can gouge more money out of them. How can they get away with this? Just because they can. Bastards.

Why isn’t this on the news? Why aren’t people screaming bloody murder?