This is me

Someone posted this on Facebook a few days ago.

Yep.

Many, many years ago, when I was about 15 or 16, I had a surprising conversation with one of my aunts.

Mum and I had, as we did most years, travelled to the home of this aunt for a big family Christmas. These were jolly occasions, filled with aunts and uncles and cousins and laughter and card games and too much of said aunt’s delicious trifle.

This year there was going to be an addition. My cousin Mike, six years my senior, had a new girlfriend and it was serious enough that she’d been invited to join us for Christmas dinner.

Early on Christmas Day this aunt approached me with a request. She was, she said, relying on me to help Mike’s girlfriend feel welcome and part of the festivities. As willing as I was to help out (Mike being a favourite cousin), the request did seem a bit odd to me. What, after all, was wrong with Mike’s sister Pam (my age)? Or any of the other gathered cousins? Why me? And then she said, “You’re such an extrovert.” I don’t know if my jaw physically dropped, but it certainly did mentally. 

An extrovert? Where the hell had she got that idea? I was painfully shy and incredibly insecure – convinced that everyone I met was secretly mocking me. (Actually, there were a number of people in my teens who’d made no secret of it whatsoever, so the concern was legitimate.) 

How was it possible for my aunt to get this so wrong? 

I suppose in a way I was two halves of one whole. What my aunt saw was me in the midst of my family, whom I loved, from whom I perceived no threat and with whom I was completely comfortable. The other half was the teenaged girl scurrying around school hallways hoping, at best, to be just left alone.

I did make an effort that day with Mike’s girlfriend, whose name I cannot remember. She was quite pretty and, honestly, quite vapid. I was a bit disappointed in Mike. (That said, she didn’t last long.)

I’ve often been told over the years: “Oh, you can talk to anyone.” And to some extent that is true. If it’s work-related, fine, no problem. I’m on solid ground. Socially? Yeah, okay, to a certain extent (depending on how much alcohol or drugs have been imbibed), but, fuck, it really does drain my battery. 

The only good thing about the cold I just had was the excuse it gave me to get out of going to a party to which I’d been invited. Being stuck somewhere with a group of people I do not know, forced to attempt to make small talk is my idea of hell on earth. 

Extrovert? Moi?