Two jokes

There are lots of jokes in A Divine Comedy (as the title would suggest) and in That’s Nice and, to a lesser extent, Waiting for Nick.

There are two jokes in An Unhelpful Complication, which was definitely not a comedy. 

One is a tension breaker. 

MAGGIE. That bastard Nunez made me watch while he raped and mutilated that girl. And he made it very clear that it was my turn next. Why would I give a shit that he was dead? Why would I give a shit that something that miserable piece of shit had done pissed off the British government so much that they sent someone to kill him? I just wish you’d used that big knife to cut his cock off and shove it in his mouth before you shot him in the face.

There is a moment’s silence. 

JACK. You should have said.

Got a laugh every time.

The second is a pun. A sort of Latin pun.

MAGGIE. Sorry. My Latin’s a bit rusty. I only remember one phrase: semper ubi sub ubi.

He laughs.

JACK. Always where under where. Very good.

I was quite chuffed that at two performances someone who knew their Latin laughed before Jack’s translation.

There are two jokes in Ruby Red Lipstick.

The first is a play on words.

JAMES It was shameful. Unnatural. You were wanton.

VIOLET I was wantin’ to have sex with my husband.

It remains to be seen how that does in front of an actual audience, but it’s got a laugh out of members of the crew at most rehearsals, so I think it will go down well.

The second is definitely a niche joke. James is explaining why he’s been in purgatory for 40 years.

JAMES Because I wouldn’t admit you were right and I was wrong.

VIOLET Well, you’re not the first, St. Augustine.

JAMES Oh, no, he’s definitely in Hell.

VIOLET Is he? Well, that’s cheered me up.

In case you don’t know – or don’t remember me mentioning him a couple of years ago – Augustine was the 4^th century prick who came up with women as the root of all evil. (Having eschewed wealth, gluttony and drunkenness, he was pissed off that he couldn’t stop himself getting an erection when he saw a beautiful woman. If you want more, this is a good New Yorker article about the asshole.) I once had the pleasure of dancing on what purported to be his grave.

Anyway, when I was first working on Ruby Red Lipstick, when it was simply a workshop exercise, I put that St. Augustine line in for my friend Tom, who was also taking the playwriting workshop and whom I knew would enjoy the joke. He did. 

I am pleased to say the line’s got a laugh twice now at rehearsals. I have no idea if it will get a laugh during any of the performances, but it would please me know end if it does. We shall see.

Even if it doesn’t, that’s fine. The thought of Augustine burning in hell does cheer me up no end. (Oh, if only there actually was a hell. If only that cretin really has spent the last 16 centuries with a red hot poker up his ass.)