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Shall I finish?

October 19, 2020

Trouble getting to sleep last night.

Wish I could say what I was thinking about writing was a play or a novel, but no. What I was thinking about was the letter I’ve been trying to write for a week to this “brother” who’s suddenly sprung into existence.

It ain’t easy because it is leading up to saying “thanks, but not thanks”. I’ve tried, I really have, to whip up even the tiniest amount of enthusiasm, but I simply can’t.

I already have two families.

There are the cousins in England whom I adore.

And then there are my friends, the people I truly consider to be my family. These are the people who supported me (much more than my actual family in Canada) when my mum died, the people who supported me ten years ago when Mike died (much more than Mike’s bloody family). The people who prop me up when I am down, who are genuinely delighted with my occasional triumphs, who check to make sure I haven’t died and been half eaten by the cat.

These are people I love – and need. I have absolutely no need for complete strangers trying to hoover me into their life. It may not be the very last thing I need (that would be a stolen election south of the border), but it’s close.

And so the tossing and turning. I don’t want to crush the guy, but I do want him to go away. If four siblings, two kids, two grandkids and fifteen years with “the Love of My Life” isn’t enough for him, how is that my bloody problem? (And, yes, those random caps still wind me up.)

Or I could just never interact with him again. He still doesn’t know where I live. He doesn’t have a phone number. The only email address he has for me is an old one I never use. So he can’t track me down.

Which is worse? Thanks, but no thanks or complete radio silence? I don’t know, but the letter’s half written and I’m sick of starting things I never finish.

From → Blog

3 Comments
  1. janeshead permalink

    Tough call. I think, on balance, don’t ghost. You don’t want him looking for you out of worry that something’s happened. If you just let him down gently, he won’t come looking – he’s already, as you say, got All the Family he really Needs.

  2. Donna permalink

    I think “thanks, but no thanks” is a perfectly reasonable answer. You’re clearly not feeling a pull towards more involvement. Whereas, radio silence will just leave things hanging and it may not help you sleep better in the long run 🙂

  3. krysross permalink

    I agree. It’s not like you went looking for him or even that he went looking for you. There was no immediate rapport. Perfectly fine to wish him well and say no thanks.

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